Leading Jerry Seinfeld Quotes at CollectiveQuotes.
1. It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. — Jerry Seinfeld
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2. Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there. — Jerry Seinfeld
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3. You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’ — Jerry Seinfeld
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4. When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business I have to humiliate myself. — Jerry Seinfeld
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5. The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing. — Jerry Seinfeld
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6. I love being a dad. I just love it. — Jerry Seinfeld
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7. Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death. — Jerry Seinfeld
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8. There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. — Jerry Seinfeld
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9. A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. — Jerry Seinfeld
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10. Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV. — Jerry Seinfeld
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11. The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! — Jerry Seinfeld
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12. I think it’s funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. — Jerry Seinfeld
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13. Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end. — Jerry Seinfeld
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14. To me, if life boils down to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving. — Jerry Seinfeld
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15. Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. — Jerry Seinfeld
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16. The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn’t have that kind of personality, and it’s a terrifying thing to say. — Jerry Seinfeld
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17. There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, ‘I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.’ — Jerry Seinfeld
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18. Men want to make women happy. — Jerry Seinfeld
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19. That’s the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me. — Jerry Seinfeld
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