Great Phyllis Diller Quotes at CollectiveQuotes.
1. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. — Phyllis Diller
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2. Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. — Phyllis Diller
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3. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. — Phyllis Diller
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4. My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. — Phyllis Diller
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5. It’s a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I’d be rotten to the core. — Phyllis Diller
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6. Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. — Phyllis Diller
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7. Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance? — Phyllis Diller
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8. The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. — Phyllis Diller
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9. Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. — Phyllis Diller
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10. Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. — Phyllis Diller
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11. A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. — Phyllis Diller
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12. There’s so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. — Phyllis Diller
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13. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. — Phyllis Diller
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14. We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. — Phyllis Diller
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15. Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. — Phyllis Diller
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16. Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. — Phyllis Diller
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17. The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. — Phyllis Diller
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18. Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children. — Phyllis Diller
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19. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. — Phyllis Diller
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20. My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. — Phyllis Diller
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