【Top 26】Rita Rudner Quotes

Cool Rita Rudner Quotes at CollectiveQuotes.

Rita Rudner Quotes
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1.    My husband gave me a necklace. It’s fake. I requested fake. Maybe I’m paranoid, but in this day and age, I don’t want something around my neck that’s worth more than my head.    —   Rita Rudner
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2.    I get a lot of return business. I think it’s all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.    —   Rita Rudner
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3.    To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.’    —   Rita Rudner
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4.    My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.    —   Rita Rudner
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5.    When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.    —   Rita Rudner
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6.    I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.    —   Rita Rudner
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7.    In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.    —   Rita Rudner
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8.    I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.    —   Rita Rudner
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9.    I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.    —   Rita Rudner
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10.    There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.    —   Rita Rudner
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11.    Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times.    —   Rita Rudner
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12.    Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.    —   Rita Rudner
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13.    My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.    —   Rita Rudner
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14.    I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.    —   Rita Rudner
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15.    I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.    —   Rita Rudner
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16.    Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.    —   Rita Rudner
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17.    My Vegas act is how I make my money.    —   Rita Rudner
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18.    I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.    —   Rita Rudner
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19.    I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.    —   Rita Rudner
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20.    We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog. Well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.    —   Rita Rudner
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21.    Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.    —   Rita Rudner
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22.    A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won’t get a bikini wax.    —   Rita Rudner
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23.    Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.    —   Rita Rudner
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24.    Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?    —   Rita Rudner
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25.    Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?    —   Rita Rudner
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26.    Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.    —   Rita Rudner
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