【Top 28】Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Noted Rodney Dangerfield Quotes at CollectiveQuotes.

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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1.    I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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2.    With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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3.    My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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4.    I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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5.    I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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6.    I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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7.    I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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8.    Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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9.    I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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10.    A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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11.    My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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12.    At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can’t.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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13.    My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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14.    It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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15.    We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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16.    My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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17.    When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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18.    Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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19.    This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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20.    My mother had morning sickness after I was born.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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21.    What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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22.    I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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23.    I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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24.    I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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25.    I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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26.    I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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27.    Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide he exposes himself.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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28.    I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.    —   Rodney Dangerfield
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