Noted Rodney Dangerfield Quotes at CollectiveQuotes.
1. I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. — Rodney Dangerfield
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2. With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me. — Rodney Dangerfield
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6. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. — Rodney Dangerfield
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7. I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. — Rodney Dangerfield
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8. Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’ — Rodney Dangerfield
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10. A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home. — Rodney Dangerfield
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11. My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. — Rodney Dangerfield
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12. At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can’t. — Rodney Dangerfield
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13. My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. — Rodney Dangerfield
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14. It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass. — Rodney Dangerfield
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15. We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. — Rodney Dangerfield
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16. My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. — Rodney Dangerfield
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19. This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. — Rodney Dangerfield
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23. I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. — Rodney Dangerfield
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24. I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. — Rodney Dangerfield
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25. I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. — Rodney Dangerfield
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26. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. — Rodney Dangerfield
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27. Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide he exposes himself. — Rodney Dangerfield
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28. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. — Rodney Dangerfield
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