【Top 34】Steven Wright Quotes

Explore Steven Wright Quotes at CollectiveQuotes.

Steven Wright Quotes
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

1.    How young can you die of old age?    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin


Quick Sentiment Analysis/Test: What’s Your Reaction on above Quote (select one or more checkbox)
😊 Positive 😠 Negative 😐 Neutral


2.    I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday.’    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

3.    For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

4.    I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I’m gone.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

5.    I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I’m the only one moving.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

6.    I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

7.    I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I’m home now. But leave a message and I’ll call when I’m out.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

8.    I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin


Quick Sentiment Analysis/Test: What’s Your Reaction on above Quote (select one or more checkbox)
😊 Positive 😠 Negative 😐 Neutral


9.    I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

10.    A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

Our other interesting quotes for your reference 【Top 30】Stanislav Grof Quotes

11.    I intend to live forever. So far, so good.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

12.    I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

13.    What’s another word for Thesaurus?    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

14.    I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

15.    Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

16.    I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin


Quick Sentiment Analysis/Test: What’s Your Reaction on above Quote (select one or more checkbox)
😊 Positive 😠 Negative 😐 Neutral


17.    If God dropped acid, would he see people?    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

18.    I think God’s going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

19.    When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

20.    Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

21.    I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

Our other interesting quotes for your reference John Green Quotes

22.    Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‘What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!’    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

23.    I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, ‘What for?’ I said, ‘I’m going to buy some sugar.’    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

24.    I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin


Quick Sentiment Analysis/Test: What’s Your Reaction on above Quote (select one or more checkbox)
😊 Positive 😠 Negative 😐 Neutral


25.    My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It’s in the apartment somewhere.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

26.    I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

27.    There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

28.    When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

29.    I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

30.    I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

31.    Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

32.    I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to it.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin


Quick Sentiment Analysis/Test: What’s Your Reaction on above Quote (select one or more checkbox)
😊 Positive 😠 Negative 😐 Neutral


Our other interesting quotes for your reference Lesley Visser Quotes

33.    I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking,’ but I don’t have that much time.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

34.    I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.    —   Steven Wright
Share:    Share On Twitter     Share On FaceBook     Share On Linkedin

If you like Steven Wright Quotes, please share it on social media. Biographical details of Steven Wright are available in wikipedia here.