【Top 40】Woody Allen Quotes

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Woody Allen Quotes
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1.    Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.    —   Woody Allen
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2.    I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.    —   Woody Allen
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3.    I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.    —   Woody Allen
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4.    I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.    —   Woody Allen
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5.    There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?    —   Woody Allen
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6.    Marriage is the death of hope.    —   Woody Allen
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7.    On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .    —   Woody Allen
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8.    It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.    —   Woody Allen
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9.    I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.    —   Woody Allen
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10.    His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.    —   Woody Allen
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11.    Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.    —   Woody Allen
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12.    If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.    —   Woody Allen
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13.    Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.    —   Woody Allen
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14.    I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.    —   Woody Allen
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15.    The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.    —   Woody Allen
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16.    My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.    —   Woody Allen
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17.    I failed to make the chess team because of my height.    —   Woody Allen
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18.    If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job.    —   Woody Allen
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19.    I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.    —   Woody Allen
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20.    If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.    —   Woody Allen
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21.    If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.    —   Woody Allen
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22.    As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.    —   Woody Allen
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23.    To you I’m an atheist to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.    —   Woody Allen
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24.    Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.    —   Woody Allen
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25.    It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.    —   Woody Allen
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26.    I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.    —   Woody Allen
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27.    I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.    —   Woody Allen
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28.    I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!    —   Woody Allen
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29.    Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.    —   Woody Allen
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30.    Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.    —   Woody Allen
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31.    Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.    —   Woody Allen
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32.    Right now it’s only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.    —   Woody Allen
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33.    If my films don’t show a profit, I know I’m doing something right.    —   Woody Allen
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34.    I am two with nature.    —   Woody Allen
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35.    Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once.    —   Woody Allen
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36.    I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.    —   Woody Allen
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37.    Eighty percent of success is showing up.    —   Woody Allen
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38.    I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.    —   Woody Allen
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39.    Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.    —   Woody Allen
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40.    I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.    —   Woody Allen
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